Walking with the Wounded: Forgiveness and the Path to Healing

Walking with the Wounded: Forgiveness and the Path to Healing

Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood—and yet most powerful—parts of the healing process. For those of us who have walked through trauma, betrayal, or abuse, the very idea of forgiveness can feel impossible. And let me be honest with you: it’s something I’ve had to work really, really, really hard at.

I’ve had to forgive my mom for not believing me or protecting me. I’ve had to forgive extended family for looking the other way. I’ve had to forgive community and church leaders who helped cover up the abuse I endured—those who lied to child protective services and repeatedly took me home, looked the other way, and failed me when I needed them most. I’ve had to forgive the verbal abuse of peers. I’ve had to forgive the satanists who stole my innocence, tortured and raped me repeatedly throughout my childhood.

And truthfully? I’m still working on it, it comes in waves.

Forgiveness is Hard, But Vital

Forgiveness has been one of the hardest parts of my healing journey. But it’s also been one of the most essential. What I’ve discovered is this: "heart wounds cannot heal if unforgiveness is keeping them open". When we replay the offense over and over, we relive the pain, and our healing gets delayed.

Even now, I have to make a daily decision to forgive. I have to choose not to hold past offenses against those who wounded me.

"Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, and profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:31–32 (MSG)

If you’ve experienced trauma like mine, forgiveness probably won’t come easily for you either. And that’s okay. I’m not here to shame you. I’m here to encourage you. Because as difficult as it is, forgiveness is a vital step toward healing your heart.

Why Forgiveness Matters

When I held onto unforgiveness, my healing was delayed. Bitterness took root. The wound in my heart stayed open, and worse—it gave the enemy access to torment me. Jesus taught us this powerful truth:

"If you don’t forgive others, then your Father in heaven won’t be able to forgive you." — Matthew 6:15 (TPT)

"The king turned him over to the jailers to be tortured until he paid back everything he owed. That’s what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn’t forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy." — Matthew 18:34–35 (MSG)

These verses are not to scare you, but to lovingly show you the spiritual consequences of unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness opens doors to torment—mentally, emotionally, even physically. And the only way to close those doors is to forgive.

I’ve often heard the christianese saying: “Holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to be affected.” In 2020, someone close to me, a family member, was poisoned. The effects were devastating. That person was left in a vegetative state, and I became one of their primary caregivers. One day, while I was tending to him, I heard the voice of the Lord speak clearly: “This is what unforgiveness does to your spirit.” The Holy Spirit showed me how the damage in the body from physical poison mirrored the slow death happening inside my soul and my spirit because of unforgiveness. That moment wrecked me. And it became a turning point—where I truly began to seek the Lord’s help to forgive my abusers.

Forgiveness is a Choice

Here’s what I’ve learned: forgiveness starts as a choice, not a feeling.

Sometimes I sit with the Lord and say, “Okay, I’m here. Willing to consider forgiving this person. That’s all I’ve got today.” And every time, Papa God has met me with kindness and patience. He doesn’t rush us. He walks with us.

Your feelings may not match your choice right away. That’s okay. Feelings eventually follow decisions rooted in truth.

Forgiveness isn’t  for the other person—it’s for you. It’s what frees you from bondage and draws you closer to the heart of Our Heavenly Father, God.

"Tolerate the weaknesses of those in the family of faith, forgiving one another in the same way you have been graciously forgiven by Jesus Christ. If you find fault with someone, release this same gift of forgiveness to them.” — Colossians 3:13 (TPT)

I’ve failed many times. I’ve needed God’s forgiveness more than I can count—and He’s never withheld it. How could I receive that kind of mercy and not choose to extend it to others?

A Loving Invitation

If you’re struggling with forgiveness today, please know this: you are not alone, and there is no shame in your struggle.

But I want to gently invite you to open your heart, even just a little, to the possibility of forgiving. Say to God, “Help me consider it.” That’s enough for today.

And tomorrow? Maybe you’ll be ready to say, “Lord, help me take a step.”

It won’t be easy—but it will be worth it.

Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the abuse. It doesn’t minimize your pain. It DOES NOT mean reconciliation of relationship. It simply releases you from carrying it alone. Let Jesus carry it with you. 

Because in Him, there’s healing. And in forgiveness, there’s freedom.

~Pastor CJ.